33

33...

Days, that is, until I retire. I told myself I wasn't going to count the days, yet somehow I did.

It's been 35 years. Sure, I could have gone longer. After all most people in real jobs go more than 35. But I figure a career is something like a race (as in running). No matter how long it is, you brace for it. When I run a 5 mile race, it seems to take forever to get to 4 miles. But when I run a marathon, 12 miles goes by before I know it. So it’s all relative.

And approaching retirement is like approaching the finish line. A few hundred yards in the middle of a race goes by lickety-split, but I've been in races when I was just 200 yards from the finish, and I didn't know if I was going to make it. It’s like that in my job as well. I only have 33 days, but it seems like an eternity.

Not that I hate teaching. On the contrary, it’s been a great 35 years. I couldn't imagine having done anything else. I still enjoy doing it, once I drag myself out of bed and actually get there, anyway.  Yet just like a race, if somebody moved the finish line during the event, it would be devastating. If I were running a marathon, and  at 25 miles someone told me that I would have to run 28.2 miles rather than 26.2, I would not be pleased. Yeah, that would be tough.

So I’m definitely not complaining about having to work for 35 years. After all, I’m retiring at 57, and most people don’t get that luxury. Still, I don’t want to add a few more years onto it, any more than I’d want to run a few extra miles in a marathon.

Yes, I've really enjoyed this career. But it is definitely time to move on. To what, I'm not exactly sure, which is both exciting and terrifying. But for now, even though I’m ready to leave, I wonder what I’ll miss about it. Because teaching wasn't something I did, it was what I was. And that’s a huge difference.

In 33 days, I’ll no longer be a teacher, or a coach. It will be odd. May 31 will be a joyful day. But I think it will be a little sad as well.  It will be difficult not to say “I’m a teacher.” I've always been secretly proud of saying that.  Somehow, I've always felt that it was a special calling. I still feel that way. And I’m leaving it.

But it’s time. Thirty-three more school days.

Unless we get a fog day!

Prayer in our Schools?

I recently received an email asking me to sign a petition to “Put prayer back in schools.” The text of the email went like this: 

“Believers should sign to let the lawmakers and the so called powers that be know we should be allowed to openly pray, and let God back into our schools. We live in the land of the free, and we should freely be able to allow God to come back in.”

For anyone who has read many of these posts, you’ll know that I’m a Christian. Yet, this petition troubled me. While I know the person who sent this to me was well meaning, I can’t sign this. Even though in many ways, I agree with her sentiments. So I figured I’d explain why.

Let me start by citing the very first words of the very first amendment to the US Constitution. It states “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.” Keeping that in mind…

I’m not sure what this petition is asking. If it’s asking us to allow students to pray, then the petition is unneeded. I don’t know of any law that prohibits that. First of all, it would violate the first amendment by “prohibiting the free exercise thereof…” Besides, really, how would it be enforced? If a student is in a silent prayer, how could he be punished for that? I’ve had students carry Bibles with them, and of course, there’s no law against that. I’ve had students pray during class, and once again, that is completely acceptable. There is no law that prohibits that, and it would be impossible to enforce, even if there were.

Or maybe they are asking for me, as a teacher, to be allowed to lead a prayer. I admit that sounds nice, and part of me wishes that was allowed. But let me point out that the separation of church and state is not some liberal idea, it’s the first amendment.  And because of this, it means that I can’t lead a prayer. As a public school teacher, I am part of the government. By me leading a Christian prayer, that would definitely be “establishing a religion.” I’m not sure how that can be interpreted any other way.

Or maybe they mean that a student should be able to lead a prayer. Well, I suppose that’s not against the constitution. However, I have a Muslim student. Would it be OK then for her to lead a prayer as well? How about a Buddhist? Or maybe a Wiccan? If we are not establishing a religion, then I would think we’d have to allow all religions their turn.

You can say that America was founded as a Christian nation, and I would believe that. But the First Amendment certainly disallows any plan to force that religion on others. And although we may not like it, it’s the constitution. With all the allegiance paid recently to the second amendment, I find it odd that we seem to have forgotten the first.

Now, if you argue that God is being removed from our society, I can definitely honor that argument. However, to blame the government or the schools is really shifting the blame. If more and more Americans are becoming disenfranchised with religion, then shame on the churches and other religious organizations for not responding to that. Jesus didn't just offer more of the same. He was a radical, with a completely new approach to religion. It was NOT what they had always done. And of course, what he did made all the difference. He made religion relevant to the people. If we don’t do that, then yes, religion is in trouble. Of course that concerns me. But that’s for an entirely different post.

While I believe we definitely need more God in our society, it has nothing to do with leading a prayer in school.

Respects

Recently I attended a viewing at the local funeral home. The deceased had been a neighbor of mine, and while I wouldn't say we were good friends, we definitely knew each other. We would talk when we were outside, and although she was old, she could be pretty interesting. In the winter we used to shovel her walk and driveway whenever the snow came. For that we were routinely rewarded with various baked goods, which were always great. But she had been in a nursing home for the better part of a year, and so I hadn’t seen her. Still when word came of her death, it of course saddened me. And I thought I should go to the funeral home just to pay my respects to the family.

When we arrived at the funeral home, there were, of course, family members there. I didn't really know any of them, but I did see one person that I slightly knew. He waved at me, and I didn't find out till later that he was a grandson. But as we moved to where the woman was lying, there was nobody at the casket. We walked up to it, and mumbled a few things to each other about the woman. We looked at the pictures, admired the flowers, signed the guest book, gave a memorial, and walked out.

Yet nobody came up to talk to us. Nobody asked us who we were. Nobody said “It’s nice of you to be here, how did you know my mother?” Nobody talked to us at all. This woman was a mother and a grandmother, and I know they loved and cared for her, and I’m not trying to imply anything different. But I know that when my parents died, a lot of people that I didn't know said some very nice things about them. I wanted to hear that, and those people wanted to say it. Yet, this time, that didn't happen. I wanted to tell them about the snow and the baked goods, I wanted to tell them about the redbud tree she gave us. I wanted to tell them some nice things about their mother. Because I knew they would want to hear it. But I didn't say it, and they didn't hear it. Still, I'm sure there were plenty of others who did.

I know after long hours at a funeral home, sometimes people can slip in and out, and I completely understand that. And I'm not suggesting the family did anything wrong. But I couldn't help projecting forward to my funeral. While it’s not necessary that my loved ones stand by my casket with a constant flow of tears, I hope that at least someone is there to greet anyone who happens to stop by. Because those people will, (hopefully) want to say some nice things about me.

And (hopefully) my loved ones will want to hear it.

What Would It Hurt?

The topic of gun control is everywhere now. And depending on who you listen to, apparently we need fewer guns, or maybe just a whole lot more of them. Honestly, I don’t know what the best policy is.

It seems logical to me that if we have fewer guns, we’d have fewer gun crimes, but I’m told that’s naive, and maybe it is. It would also seem to me that, while the second amendment says we are allowed to carry firearms, it doesn’t necessarily say we get to have assault rifles and high capacity clips. A lot of people think it does though. But if the second amendment says there can be no limits of any kind on firearms, then can I own a tank as well? How about Cruise Missiles? Even nuclear ones, I suppose.

And I’ve read tons of reasons why limiting assault rifles and high capacity clips wouldn’t solve anything anyway. Such as:

• If someone wants a weapon bad enough, he’s always going to be able to get it. In other words, the criminals will always have them, and a ban will just hurt us good guys.
• If the shooters didn’t have these apparent weapons of choice, they could just strap multiple handguns on themselves, and that would serve just as well.
• It’s possible to kill people just as easily with hammers and knives, so what’s the point.

Maybe these reasons are valid. Maybe banning these things wouldn’t solve anything. I honestly don’t know.

But my question is, what would it hurt? I mean, if we're talking about hunting or self defense, we can probably get by with lesser weapons, couldn't we? Now I know that a lot of people want to have these weapons. But I hate stopping at red lights. I want to cruise right through them. Really I do, I hate stopping all the time. But I do stop. Because I figure I can make that sacrifice for the public safety. Doesn’t that apply here?

I’m not saying they should take your guns. Really, I'm not. I’m not even saying to ban assault rifles. I honestly don’t know the answer. I just wonder “What possibly could it hurt?”

Talk Radio

I got into my truck this morning, and hit one of the buttons on the AM radio. Immediately some radio personality started complaining. Honestly, I can’t remember what he was complaining about. I think it was about how stupid some government official was or something like that. I can’t remember, because all this guy does is complain. Always. Nonstop.

Periodically, I start pushing the buttons on the AM radio, going from one talk show to another. And I find that they’re all the same. They complain. They tell us all how bad the government is. They tell us all that if so and so is elected, America as we know it will end. They tell us that people in the other political party aren't just of another opinion, aren't just wrong; no those other people are evil. And they’re trying to destroy America, and take away all your freedoms… or something like that.

And obviously, they aren't nice about it. Actually, they're always nasty. And sarcastic. And arrogant. But of course they all claim to be Christians. Or at least imply it. Yet none of their behavior seems remotely like anything Jesus would have done.

Honestly, I never make it past about 5 minutes. I never know whether to laugh or cry, because they’re so unbelievable. But no matter how many times their predictions don’t come to pass, they keep spouting new ones. And for some reason, people keep listening. And believing.

I had a friend one time who was sent packing by his girlfriend. His response was to listen to the same sad break-up song over and over and over… I’m not really sure why he wanted to make himself miserable, yet he did. And some people remind me of this guy. They LIKE to listen to these radio stations. They LIKE to think America is coming to an end. They LIKE to think the people in government are morons. (Who by the way are trying to destroy America. For their own personal gain, or something.) They LIKE to feel miserable.

My drive to work is only about 6 minutes, but if I listened to this guy for just that 6 minutes, I’d arrive there pissed off before the day even started. Why would I want to do that?

I know one guy who I really think is in a severe depression. He mopes around all day, worrying about how America is being destroyed, how everything that’s good and pure is gone, and worried that if we don’t act RIGHT NOW, all is lost. And honestly, a lot of his friends have kinda distanced themselves from him. He’s a real downer to be around. And of course, he listens to talk radio all day long. As much as he can. Go figure.

Of course, truth is not required on these shows. Their goal really is just to get people all pissed off. Because they know that the more pissed off they are, the more likely they'll come back for more, to reinforce their anger. It makes great ratings that way. They apparently don’t care that they really are hurting a lot of people, by making them miserable. Or hurting the country, by dividing us more than ever before. Of course, it’s a free country. I don’t think we should ban talk radio. But I just wonder how those radio guys sleep at night. Knowing the damage they do.

So go ahead, listen to them all you want. Then wonder why you have such a negative outlook on anything that has to do with the government. Or honestly, on just about anything at all.

Oh yeah, it’s because America as we know it is over. Or something.

The LED Bulb

The other day, I went into Home Depot. I was looking at LED bulbs. I’m kinda intrigued by them, honestly. They last about 40 times as long as a regular light bulb, and take about one eighth as much energy. Pretty cool. Unfortunately, they normally cost between $20 and $40 dollars.

So when I saw a “40 Watt equivalent” LED bulb for $9.97, I was intrigued. I thought I’d buy it, and I knew exactly where I was going to put it. I was going to put it in the lamp in my office. I’d finally get to see what one of these LED lights was like.

So I bought it and took it home. The next day, I took it out of the packaging, and went to screw it into the lamp. As I reached in the lamp to take out the old bulb, I was surprised that it wasn’t very hot. That is, until I actually got the bulb out and looked at it. Because there, staring me right in the face, was a bulb identical to the one I had just bought!

Which means, sometime in the last few months, I was at Home Depot. And I went through the exact same thought processes as I did the other day. And have absolutely no recollection of it. This is definitely NOT something that would have happened to me ten years ago.

There’s a reason why this blog is called GrayShift. Unfortunately.

My Last Political Blog (Thankfully!)

The election year is almost over, and every single one of us is certainly happy for that. Personally, I’m looking forward to writing a few meaningless blogs about trivial things that nobody cares about, like normal. (as opposed to writing political things that nobody cares about!) But in the spirit of the season, I just have to write one more. I was going to be done, but I just can’t let it go. But I promise it’s the last one. At least I think it is!

It’s that damn auto industry ad that Romney put up. Really, I could have been done with political discussion, but then that ad popped up. I understand that every campaign takes liberties, and stretches truth. But Mitt Romney has taken this to a whole new level. In a year when so many of Romney’s ads, as well as his statements, have been misleading at best, this recent ad about the auto industry tops them all.

There is so much untrue, it’s difficult to know where to start.

First of all “He is supported by the Detroit News.” The Detroit News does support Romney for president. But they support him “Despite his wrong-headedness on the auto bailout.” In fact what they said was: “We have said in past editorials that while Romney rightly advocated for structured bankruptcies in his infamous "Let Detroit Go Bankrupt" New York Times op-ed, he was wrong in suggesting the automakers could have found operating capital in the private markets. In that article, Romney suggested government-backed loans to keep the companies afloat post bankruptcy. But what GM and Chrysler needed were bridge loans to get them through the process, and the private credit markets were unwilling to provide them.”

Then “Obama took GM and Chrysler into bankruptcy.” Yes, that’s true, but again misleading. That bankruptcy included a restructuring, and all but the most ardent conservatives admit that this act saved those two companies. It’s especially disgusting because Romney himself advocated bankruptcy for those companies. Again, that’s not exactly what the ad says.

Next: “Obama sold Chrysler to Italians who are going to build Jeeps in China.” But Chrysler execs say that claim is misleading at best: “Let’s set the record straight: Jeep has no intention of shifting production of its Jeep models out of North America to China,” Ranieri said. “It’s simply reviewing the opportunities to return Jeep output to China, for the world’s largest auto market. U.S. Jeep assembly lines will continue to stay in operation.”

But even after Chrysler set the record straight, Romney doubled down and not only continued the ads, but added GM in there as well. “We've clearly entered some parallel universe during these last few days,” GM spokesman Greg Martin told the Detroit Free Press. “No amount of campaign politics at its cynical worst will diminish our record of creating jobs in the U.S. and repatriating profits back to this country.”

But Romney keeps repeating these charges, even when he knows they are not true. And please don’t say the executives are  just shills for Obama. Not too many Fortune 500 top executives would consider themselves democrats, so that just makes no sense.

Say all you want about Obama. You can think he’s wrong on many things. You don’t have to like him, his style, or his plans. But you simply will not find the distortion of facts from him that Romney has done. And this is just one issue. I could give you a list a mile long.

Is this the kind of man you want leading this country? Really? Don’t count me in on that one.

Fair and Balanced

We all "know" that the media is incredibly liberal, biasing everything toward the democrats. How do we know that? That’s a good question. Because the people who tell me that, also admit they rarely have anything to do with the “mainstream media” except of course Fox News. Because Fox is “Fair and Balanced.” And how do we know that? Because they say they are, apparently.

In all seriousness, many people are sure the mainstream media is liberal, because they hear it all the time. Rush says it, Sean says it, the republicans all say it. Sarah even calls them the “lamestream” media. So therefore it must be true.

Well, let’s try something different. Let’s try a little unscientific discovery. And while it’s unscientific, it’s still more discovery than most news fans get.

So what I have below are links to three different news websites: NBC, NPR, and Fox. They are from two different days, October 5, and October 12. So go ahead and click on them. And make your own call. 

The conclusion is pretty obvious. Now I didn't cherry pick these particular dates, I just used two random dates. But if you don’t like these results, then do what I do: When I open my browser, I have an igoogle page set up. And on that page, I have headlines and links to all three of these news sites, as well as a few others. And every day I compare these sites. So go ahead and do that. And see what you think.

Fox Oct. 5     NBC Oct. 5      NPR Oct. 5     Fox Oct. 12     NBC Oct. 12     NPR Oct. 12

And whether you’re right or left, I would think we could all agree that a news site should be neither. At least that would make sense to me.

Still No Facts

Tonight I watched the presidential debate, and I'll admit I was very frustrated. Honestly, it made me sick. I watched a man who absolutely refuses to give any details about his ideas, criticizing a man whose ideas are out there for all to see.

Romney’s plan really is very simple. He blames everything on the president. But when asked how he’s going to make things better, he gives no facts, no details. He says he’s going to lower taxes on everyone, and make up for the lost revenue by getting rid of loopholes. But which loopholes? He’s had over a year of campaigning and he still hasn't told us. And be honest, do you really believe he’ll find enough loopholes to make up for a 20% across the board tax cut? Really? No thinking person can honestly believe that.

OK, if you’re a Romney supporter, you’re going to say that lowering taxes will stimulate the economy, and the extra revenue will more than make up for the lost taxes. Again, really? Every republican president since Reagan has said he’s going to lower taxes and decrease the deficit. Yet every single one has increased the deficit. I know my republican friends don’t want to believe that, but really, just google it. It’s not too hard to find. (If you’re lazy, try here, here, here, here, and here.) Even the most right-leaning sources are still damning.

In fact, the only president in the last 50 years to actually balance the budget was Clinton. And he did it by raising taxes. And by the way, the economy during his term is the best we’ve seen in a long time.

Add to that the fact that sitting here, a few hours later, reading online that most fact check organizations sided in a huge way with Obama on most things in the debate, I know that some people, even those who pride themselves on being thinking people, just won’t care. They'll blame it all on the so-called liberal press. Republicans will believe Romney because they want to. It doesn't matter that his facts don’t add up.

So go ahead and vote for Romney. At least then we’ll find out what he really plans on doing.

Because he sure isn't telling us now.

Neil Armstrong

OK, it’s been more than a week now since Neil Armstrong passed away. I’ve been thinking about this, wondering if there was any reason to write anything about it. After all, it’s not like there haven’t been a million pages written about him. Yet, here I am.

I remember watching the landing on that July night in 1969. And if you're old enough, you do too. We all watched it. We all were enthralled. And we were all so amazingly proud. Really, we would have never believed that we could actually put a man on the moon. Yet there we were.

But for many years, I wondered what the fuss was over him. After all, couldn’t any of the astronauts have done what he did? Didn’t he just happen to be in the right place at the right time?

In a word, no.

You see, Armstrong was in the second class of astronauts, chosen a few years after the original Mercury astronauts. And he was a different breed. He was a self-proclaimed engineer geek from the very beginning. Of course he was fearless, as all the astronauts were. But he was more than that. He was the quiet guy who knew how to do the proofs in high school math. He was the one student who could answer all the “why” questions in science. And he was the type of man who could calculate odds in his head when faced with an emergency. He didn’t just react, he thought through it all, analyzing all the choices, then picking the right one. And by all accounts, he did it better than anyone.

So when the lunar module was descending to the moon’s surface, it turns out they had overshot their landing site. And Armstrong realized that. Aldrin didn’t. The guys at mission control didn’t. But he did. As he was looking for a safe site to land, the communication officer at mission control was counting down the seconds till they ran out of fuel. When he got to zero, the lunar module would have to abort, even if it was 10 feet from the lunar surface. If not, they could land, but would not have enough fuel to get off the surface.

So what did Armstrong do? He hit the throttle. Hard. Like nobody had ever seen, in any simulation. Moving forward as fast as the spacecraft could go, burning up precious fuel, all the time listening to that countdown. Nobody knew what he was doing, or why. Yet, without hesitation, without consultation, and without panic, he maneuvered the lunar module forward to a safe landing, with almost no time remaining. Could other astronauts have done that? Maybe. We’ll never know. But what we do know is that, when it came to crunch time in the biggest flight in the history of aviation, with literally all the world watching, Neil Armstrong got it done.

Good-bye Neil. The world will miss you.

Good bye, Sally

I read yesterday of the death of Sally Ride. With the news being full of the Penn State scandal and the Colorado shootings, her death didn't make huge headlines, but I’m guessing that wouldn’t have bothered her too much.

In case you don’t remember, Sally Ride was America’s first female astronaut. She flew on the Space Shuttle Challenger in 1983. I remember thinking “what took them so long?” I understood the all-boys club of Mercury and Gemini, and I can even forgive them for Apollo. Remember, this was the time when boys played sports, and girls were cheerleaders. So in that world, pilots were men, and not women. And these space programs required pilots.

But by the time the Space Shuttle first flew in 1981, women’s roles had changed. While there were no female military pilots at that time, the shuttle was staffed with all kinds of people, not just pilots. Scientists and engineers were on board these as well. And women had shown that they too, could be scientists and engineers.

So it may have taken a while, but finally in 1983, Sally Ride actually became that first American woman in space. Never mind that the Russians had put a woman in space a full twenty years earlier, we finally got around to it. And while I’m not claiming to have extensively followed her career, she always seemed to handle herself with class and grace. Which is why she probably wouldn’t mind about the lack of huge headlines.

And then of course, there was this item in her obituary: “In addition to Tam O’Shaughnessy, her partner of 27 years, Sally is survived by her mother, Joyce; her sister,…” Yes, her partner. As in life partner. And she didn’t tell the world until she had died. She actually had never hidden her sexual orientation; she just hadn’t made a big deal about it by going public. All her friends and associates knew, but it was just another part of her. She was intelligent, had dark curly hair, and was gay.

While I’m sure some will criticize her for this, I would think even the most homophobic person would have to give some grudging respect to the way she lived out her life. She was what she was, and while many probably wished she had come out and made it a cause, she lived a public life as privately as she could.

But now Sally Ride, at the age of 62, has passed, succumbed to pancreatic cancer. You can think what you want, or course. But I will remember her not only as an astronaut, but also as a role model, and an inspiration.

If upon my own death, I am viewed as such, then I guess I really didn’t do too bad.

America As We Know It: Is It Over?

Well, that’s what they keep telling me. After the Supreme Court approved the Affordable Health Care Act. You see, politicians are experts at the “Here’s what’s going to happen” scenario. They use this tactic all the time. They come up with worst case scenarios, and say that they’re going to take place. Inevitably, that never happens. But it doesn’t matter, because by then they’ve moved onto another “It’s going to happen” scenario, and most people have forgotten the old one. Just a few examples…

1)  If we approve the auto bailout, we’ll have the government in charge of the car companies. Nancy Pelosi will be running GM, telling us exactly what kind of car we should have. Really, they all said it. All the politicians, radio hosts, everyone. Of course this didn’t happen. Instead, the car companies survived, are selling lots of cars, and have actually increased their hiring. Pretty much a best case, or at least a “pretty-good case” scenario.

2)  If Obama is elected, he’s coming for your guns. Right after the 2008 election, it was almost impossible to buy ammunition, due to the hoarding. Because Obama was going to take it all. Well, that never happened. So now they’re saying he’s waiting till his second term. Of course that’s not going to happen. Even if he wanted to, he’d never have the votes for it. But the NRA keeps saying this, and people keep believing it.

3)  If Obama is elected, he’s going to take your savings. Really. I know of one couple who actually cashed in their 401(k) when Obama was elected. Yes, they took a significant penalty on that. But they were so convinced he was somehow going to take their own money. Of course that didn’t happen. You would think they would be mad at the people who led them to believe that. Of course, they’re still mad at Obama.

4)  If Obamacare is passed, it will be the end of America as we know it. Really, I've heard that more than once in the last week. Back in October of 2010, one prominent senator said that “In the next year or so” we will have to dramatically cut the military because we can’t pay for it. Well, the next “year or so” has come and gone, and we still have a military. 

5)  Obamacare will ruin the doctor patient relationship. This one can’t be true, because that relationship is already ruined. Anyone who thinks doctors make the decisions has not spent any time arguing with the insurance company. A doctor may request a procedure, but the insurance company rep on the phone is the one who decides whether it will be covered or not. And they will also tell you which doctor you can or can’t see. So this one just doesn’t make any sense. 

6)  If we don’t drill drill drill, gas prices will soon be over $5 a gallon. Somehow nobody is talking about that right now. But just for the record, it didn’t happen. Yeah, I know. “But it’s going to!!!! “

You know, I have no problem with mistaken predictions. If a weatherman predicts rain based on his data, and the storm misses us, that’s a mistake. But if he says there’s going to be a tornado just to scare people, that’s completely different. 

So forget the “what’s going to happen.” Really. Because those are almost never right. Maybe they’re lying, maybe they’re just wrong. Either way, people saying these things do not deserve your trust.

You'll Miss These Times

I was cleaning the playhouse the other day. I mean I really cleaned it. I took everything out if it except the TV and stand, and vacuumed, mopped, and washed everything. While doing so, I came across two things that took me back. The first was this tape, as in a VCR tape. It is a Power Rangers tape, and it took me back to when my daughter Sara was much younger than now. She watched the Power Rangers all the time, and apparently they were pretty cool.

The other thing I found, as I was sweeping out the cushions in the couch, was this little slip of paper. Emma and the neighbor boy Christopher, or Toph, always seemed to be thinking up some kind of club, restaurant, or some other money making or just plain fun scheme. Back in the day.

Those two things took me back, way back. And it brought to mind an experience I had once when they were really little. I was at Kroger’s buying groceries, and I had both kids with me. I’m guessing they were probably about 1 and 4. It was one of those trips that make you want to consume mass quantities of any alcoholic beverage you can find! All you parents know exactly what I’m talking about. We were going through the checkout, and they were arguing, crying, screaming... put whatever loud verb you want in there, you get the picture. Just as their noise was about to really put me into some kind of fit, an older woman came up to me, and gently tapped me on the arm. And quietly and sweetly, she said to me “Enjoy these times young man, you’re going to miss them.”

OK, well that did NOT make things any better. Yeah right, I’m going to miss this time? I just wanted to get out of there, strap them in their car seats, drive home real fast and throw them both into bed and hope they would take long naps. And consume mass quantities of beer. Enjoy these times? Really?

But you know, even as she was saying it, although I couldn’t feel what she was saying, I somehow knew intellectually that she was right. That yes, I would miss those times. In some strange way that only a parent can understand.

So now as I approach my kids 21^st and 24^th birthdays, I am incredibly proud of the beautiful, intelligent, and caring young women they’ve grown up to be. And while I’m not crazy about them being so far from home, I understand that that is part of living and growing up. And I would never want to go back to that time more than 20 years ago.

Yet, somehow the woman was right. I do miss those times. Those times when Sara would say “watch me Dad” and do a cartwheel for the 100^th time in a row, looking exactly like every other one. Or when Emma would be crying uncontrollably over some perceived tragedy, but the offer of ice cream could fix it all! Yeah, I miss those times.

You know, I have no idea who that woman was, but I’m pretty sure that “older” woman was younger then than I am now. And now I know, and feel, exactly what she meant.

Yeah, I miss those times. And all you parents understand.

You're wrong. Of course.

It must really be difficult to be in politics. You always have to spin everything just the right way. Because in all situations, you and your party must be right. And your opponent and his party must be wrong. Every time. No exceptions. Never is it OK to acknowledge any form of success by the “other party” even if it is obvious. I don’t know if it’s always been this way, but that’s how it is now. And it puts people in very difficult situations.

The situation I’m referring to currently is that of the republican governors. They are in a very precarious position. Remember that most elections, and state elections in particular, are about the economy. So with the economy as it is, what are these republican governors to do?

Since they are republicans, it is required that they repeat the message of how badly President Obama has bungled the economy. Since it is not permissible to ever acknowledge any kind of success by the other party, the message has to be that the economy is in huge trouble and cannot possibly improve significantly under this democratic leadership.

But on the other hand, they are facing elections in their own states in the fall. While they may not be up for reelection themselves, their state legislators are. So therefore, they have to show how their own state economy is improving, or even thriving. So you have guys like Florida governor Rick Scott pointing to “encouraging indicators that Florida’s economy is steadily moving in the right direction.” Or Virginia governor Bob McDonnell saying “With unemployment at over a 3-year low, agricultural exports at a record high, and thousands of Virginians working again…”

So, which is it? Is the economy getting better, or not? Maybe it’s only getting better in republican states! Maybe that will work. Unfortunately though, it won’t. Because more than half the states have republican governors. So if that were true, then of course our national economy would be improving. And we can’t have that!

So if I’m a republican governor, I have the following choice:
a) Proclaim how good our economy is to help my own state legislators, or
b) Proclaim how bad our economy is, to make sure Obama and the dems get kicked out of Washington.

Of course, they could always just tell the truth.

Truth? What am I saying? Truth? In politics? Yeah, right.

Of Screwdrivers and Batteries

Yes, screwdrivers and batteries. What do they have in common? What could this possibly be about? Well, very little, actually. Except that I have an amazing streak going in both of those categories. Sadly...

As you probably know, there are two main varieties of screwdrivers. OK, there’s a lot more if you count hex, torx, and weird things like that, which really should never have been invented anyway. But the two real ones, that real people use, are flat, with a slot in the head of the screw, and Phillips, which has a cross on the screw.

OK, now that your tool lesson is over, why am I writing this? Because every time I reach for a screwdriver, I always get the one I DON’T want. And I don’t mean sometimes, or usually. No, I mean every time. At least every time for the last 3 years. Really. It’s like 312 wrong choices in a row or something like that. What’s more, if I reach in a drawer for a Phillips, not only do I grab a flat, but there’s a pretty good chance that EVERY screwdriver in the drawer is flat. Really. I’m not making this stuff up. OK, maybe it’s not 312 in a row; and maybe it’s not 3 years. Those might be slight exaggerations. But it's still a whole lot in a row.

Batteries? Yeah, you know where this is going. In our house, we have a drawer with nothing but batteries. The other day I needed a AA. Here’s an inventory of the battery drawer:

• 6 - “D” cells. You know, the big ones that go in flashlights.
• 20 - “C” cells. Of course, I don’t know of any use for “C” cells. Maybe that’s why I have so many left.
• 51 - “AAA” batteries. No, I have no idea why I have 51 of them.
• 4 – 9 volt. Which I actually feel bad for, because they don’t even get a letter, like C, or D.
• 1 - CR 2032. About the size of a nickel that must have been for a watch or something once.
• 4 random batteries that are even smaller, that fit I-have-no-idea-what.
• 1 lithium-ion battery for a camera that I don’t even own any more
• ZERO “AA” batteries.

 Really.  Zero. None. Zip. Not one!

But do you think that’s unusual? No way. At school, I also have a battery drawer, and the other day I needed a 9V battery. So what do you think I had? Well, I’ll spare you all the gory details, but I’m sure you've guessed by now that I had exactly ZERO 9 volt batteries.

I sometimes feel incredibly cursed. (And I’m not even going to start in about drive-throughs.)

I will admit though, the word "cursed" is just a tad strong. After all, I'm really only talking about screwdrivers. And batteries.

I guess I can't really complain too much. Except that I just did!