Yes, screwdrivers and batteries. What do they have in
common? What could this possibly be about? Well, very little, actually. Except
that I have an amazing streak going in both of those categories. Sadly...
As you probably know, there are two main varieties of screwdrivers.
OK, there’s a lot more if you count hex, torx, and weird things like that, which
really should never have been invented anyway. But the two real ones, that real
people use, are flat, with a slot in the head of the screw, and Phillips, which
has a cross on the screw.
OK, now that your tool lesson is over, why am I writing
this? Because every time I reach for a screwdriver, I always get the one I DON’T
want. And I don’t mean sometimes, or usually. No, I mean every time. At least
every time for the last 3 years. Really. It’s like 312 wrong choices in a row
or something like that. What’s more, if I reach in a drawer for a Phillips, not
only do I grab a flat, but there’s a pretty good chance that EVERY screwdriver
in the drawer is flat. Really. I’m not making this stuff up. OK, maybe it’s not
312 in a row; and maybe it’s not 3 years. Those might be slight exaggerations. But
it's still a whole lot in a row.
Batteries? Yeah, you know where this is going. In our house,
we have a drawer with nothing but batteries. The other day I needed a AA. Here’s
an inventory of the battery drawer:
- 6 - “D” cells. You know, the big ones that go in flashlights.
- 20 - “C” cells. Of course, I don’t know of any use for “C” cells. Maybe that’s why I have so many left.
- 51 - “AAA” batteries. No, I have no idea why I have 51 of them.
- 4 – 9 volt. Which I actually feel bad for, because they don’t even get a letter, like C, or D.
- 1 - CR 2032. About the size of a nickel that must have been for a watch or something once.
- 4 random batteries that are even smaller, that fit I-have-no-idea-what.
- 1 lithium-ion battery for a camera that I don’t even own any more
- ZERO “AA” batteries.
But do you think that’s unusual? No way. At school, I also
have a battery drawer, and the other day I needed a 9V battery. So what do you
think I had? Well, I’ll spare you all the gory details, but I’m sure you've guessed by now that I had exactly ZERO 9 volt batteries.
I sometimes feel incredibly cursed. (And I’m not even going
to start in about drive-throughs.)
I guess I can't really complain too much. Except that I just did!
There's 51 AAA batteries because we buy them in huge packs and they're rarely ever used. I think the living room remote may use them, but that's about it.
ReplyDeleteDid your school drawer have the AA?
ReplyDeleteNow that you've inventoried both drawers, I'm thinking you should trade appropriately and that should have you "good'' for the next three years!!!!