I Really Should Have...

I don’t know about you, but I have a tendency quite often to step back from what I’m doing or thinking or saying, and ask myself if it really makes any sense. I don’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing, a common thing or uncommon thing, but I do it a lot. Some of my friends tell me I think too much. (Is that possible?) But maybe they’re right. I know it brings to my mind a lot of really strange thoughts.

Like this one. I remember one time I was mowing my lawn. As I was mowing, I saw my neighbor just finishing a run. I hadn't run that day yet, and there was a good chance I wasn't going to have the time. And I remember thinking “Man, this lawn could have waited. I should have gone running instead.” I felt kinda irresponsible for not running.

Fast forward about a week. As I’m returning from a fairly long run, I see my neighbor mowing his lawn. And I remember thinking “Man, this run could have waited. I should have mowed the lawn instead.” And I felt kinda irresponsible for letting my lawn grow.

Now, I quickly realized this logic made absolutely no sense. And as I started thinking about things I do, or don’t do, I came to an odd, and somewhat troubling, conclusion about myself: No matter what I’m doing, I tend to feel I should be doing something else.

If I read a book, I get mad at myself for not being more productive. If I work real hard, I wonder why I can’t just stop and relax, maybe read a book! If I go on vacation, I wonder why I didn't stay home and get something done. If I stay home, I wonder why I can’t travel a little and enjoy myself. If I write this blog, I wonder why I’m not working on other things. (Things that really matter!) But if I do those other things, I wonder why I'm not spending some time on the blog.

This list goes on and on. It’s an incredibly frustrating way to live, that’s for sure! I have no idea if this is normal for your average human, or if it’s just me. I just know it’s annoying.

Of course, if I didn’t think so much, I guess I’d never even know.