Do Jerks Know They're Jerks?

OK, that question may be obvious to you, but it isn't to me. Really. I don't know the answer to this one, but I'm guessing it's one of those questions that is best answered with "Well, that depends..."

Take me, for instance (since I'm writing this.) I think I work really hard at doing the right thing, treating people fairly, being honest, and acting with integrity. I try to help people whenever I can, and I try to forgive people and not hold grudges. In other words, I try to be a good guy. Sometimes I succeed, and sometimes I don't. Now I know there are people who say "Morgan is really a good guy." Yet I also know that there are those reading this in bewildered amazement, thinking "What a jerk (or worse) Morgan is. What an arrogant $#%*&@^."

So in my case, even if I am a jerk, no, this jerk doesn't know he's a jerk.

But I know other people. To me, it seems like their whole goal in life is "to win," to look better than the next guy. They put people down, to their face and behind their backs, whenever they get a chance. They show concern when they think it will make them look good, but disrespect for others at all other times. They usually claim to be Christians, but it's really hard to see any "Jesus-like" behavior coming from them. The only people they treat decently are their friends. You know these guys too. They're arrogant, controlling, and firmly convinced that they're always the smartest guy in the room. Do these guys know their jerks? Obviously, I don't know what's in their heads, but listen to their friends.

Because the friends, or supporters, of these guys, usually defend them. But the defense goes something like: "Yeah, I know he comes across that way, but deep down inside..." Or maybe "Yeah, but trust me, he really means well." And sometimes like this: "Well, you know, he's just being (insert name here.) He's always been that way. That's just him." As if these things somehow excuse all the bad behavior.

Personally, I think that guy knows he's a jerk, and "deep down inside" he's actually proud of it, because it makes him look tough, like a fighter. I'm just guessing, of course.

You know, I  think it comes down to what I've said many times before: we believe what we want to believe. If we have personally gained because of someone, we want to think he's a good guy, so we do. Maybe we got an A in his class, or he gave us a promotion. But if that person hurt us somehow, no matter how well deserved, we think he's a jerk. Maybe we flunked his class, or we were fired. Even if we deserved those things, we don't want to believe that, so we don't. In our minds, the guy must be a jerk.

I think it is commendable, and the right thing to do, to try to be a "good guy." But don't expect rewards from it. That may happen, but it may not as well. Do it, just because it's the right thing to do.